I love a difficult conversation, said nobody ever. While we would all prefer to stay anchored in the sunny harbor of banter and kudos, the reality is that we will inevitably drift into the choppy, uncharted waters of sensitive topics and difficult conversations. Leaving employees clinging to the flotsam of unanswered questions or lack of direction will only make the situation worse. The best course forward is to initiate a well-planned, direct conversation that addresses the concerns of all involved. Here are some tips to navigate to calmer waters.
Be forward focused. Don’t dwell on the mistakes, miscommunications and misunderstandings that landed you in perilous waters. Fixing blame and dwelling on details usually devolves into arguments based on the unique perspective of each person involved. The object of the conversation is not to point fingers but rather to find the best way forward. Ask the other person what they would like to see happen to address their concerns. Then, work together to make that happen if possible. This often requires compromise, but it ensures that all parties feel heard. If the situation gets tense, try inviting input from a neutral party. Or better yet, assume a neutral perspective by taking a step back and challenging your own point of view. Two opposing perspectives rarely move a conversation forward. Act as your own mediator to talk through points from both sides to find common ground.
Start with why. There is a reason that you arrived at a difficult decision point. That reason could be financial challenges, changes to the market in which you operate, or an approach that no longer makes sense given where your business is today. All of those are valid reasons to make difficult business decisions. Despite that, unwelcome news can feel very personal to the one on the receiving end. You can temper those emotions by laying a foundation that explains how and why you arrived at this decision. People appreciate transparency and can process information more effectively when they understand why something is happening. Avoid aloof statements like “it’s just a business decision” or “it’s not personal”. You have (hopefully) given a great deal of thought to your decision. Make sure your care and thoughtfulness come through in your explanation. When you invest the time and effort to deliver a difficult message well, people will often respond with understanding and support.
What does this mean for me? Upon delivery of unwanted news, employees will immediately shift to how that decision will impact them. At this point, “options” becomes a powerful word. A difficult conversation can elicit a fight or flight response when employees feel something is happening to them. Temper that with this simple statement; “you have some options”. Presenting the person with options gives back some sense of control. Listening skills tend to decline during a difficult conversation and the impacted individual likely needs some time to reflect. Because of that, I like to go old-school and present the options in a hard copy document that I can hand to the employee. A minimum of three options is ideal so it does not come across as an either/or situation. For example, in a position elimination, options could be to consider other positions in the company, look for a new position outside the company, or schedule a second conversation with you to help make some networking connections. While those options may seem obvious, they do help guide the employee in a constructive direction. A wise man once told me that while I can not control how people will feel about a situation, I can provide some direction to manage their response.
Albert Schweitzer said “Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.” While the message may still be difficult, a successful outcome is all about the delivery.
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